I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
