I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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