the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
