I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
