if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
