just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
