Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
