there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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