SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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