you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize