What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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