LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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