making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
