Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
