yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
