dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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