thus making me awesome and them whores
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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