well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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