I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I supernannyed him into submission
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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