I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
