Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
