Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
