fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize