Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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