I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have aggressive nipples.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?