glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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