Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
