I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize
