there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
