Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
