She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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