My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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