apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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