i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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