At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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