well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
