I heard we made out
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
