it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
