Swine flu is the new snow day.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
