i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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