I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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