First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
