My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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