well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
