What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just wanna soil my oats bro
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
