good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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