We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
