someone threw a dead crab at me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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