And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's never too late to be topless.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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