I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
