How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
