I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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