I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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