i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
