well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
