The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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