How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
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just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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