I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
