she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need to calm my uterus...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
