I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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