The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
