I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
